


Don't Let Your Fear Pull Us Apart

by lavidanueva



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Engaged SwanQueen, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:37:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavidanueva/pseuds/lavidanueva
Summary: She and Regina were no strangers to arguments and after four years of being in a relationship, Emma had felt like she knew what to expect. But the fight tonight was different; Regina was different. Emma had known something was off the moment she stepped into their home.Very slight AU in which Emma and Regina got together in between seasons 2 and 3, when Henry is roughly 13. They are in love but Regina's fears make her doubt the blonde's commitment.





	Don't Let Your Fear Pull Us Apart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece of fanfiction for SwanQueen and I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to leave comments!

Emma sat on the front steps of 108 Mifflin Street, head hanging forward and propped up by her hands. She had no idea how they had gotten here. She and Regina were no strangers to arguments and after four years of being in a relationship, Emma had felt like she knew what to expect. But the fight tonight was different; Regina was different. Emma had known something was off the moment she stepped into their home.

 

_Emma’s boot-clad feet trudged through the doorway of the mayoral mansion at half past ten. She was sore from the top of her head to the soles of her feet from a long day at the station, wanting nothing more than to take a piping hot shower and curl up in bed with her fiancée. The thought of said fiancée had Emma looking around as she slipped off her boots and leather jacket._

_“Gina? Are you down here?” Emma attempted to loudly whisper her question, hoping that neither the woman she was looking for nor their son would be asleep yet._

_When she got no reply from the expansive first floor, and after taking a quick look around, Emma grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and headed off up the stairs. Upon reaching the upstairs landing, she saw a thin strip of light breaching the otherwise dark hallway coming from the cracked door of her son’s room. She gave a sharp knock before pushing the door further open and saw her pride and joy sprawled out on his bed, headphones on and face shoved into his history textbook. He must’ve noticed her though because he was soon pulling off said headphones and setting the reading material down._

_“Hey, Ma. How was work today?” Henry asked, the deep sounding voice reminding his mother that he was no longer the ten year old that showed up at her door in Boston, but was in fact just months away from his high school graduation._

_“Exhausting, I haven’t been this tired in months. School going okay?” Emma leaned against the doorframe, hoping for a small break from the pain emanating from the bottoms of her feet._

_“Eh, it’s fine, I’m just really excited for the year to be done,” Henry smiled as he spoke, but noticed the slight frown that Emma was trying hard to hide. “I just mean because I’m excited for all of the amazing writing classes I’m going to get to take in college. You know I’m going to miss you and Mom like crazy.”_

_“Yeah, I know, kid. Speaking of your mom, is she okay? I haven’t popped into our room yet but she’s usually still down in her study when I’m getting back.”_

_Henry shifted slightly on his bed, averting his eyes from his ma’s questioning look. He had come home from school earlier than normal, opting to skip his usual study session in the library with his friends and instead study alone at home. He had expected to return home to an empty house, one that would surely give him the peace and quiet that he was looking for to finish up all of the assignments due the next day. However, when he rode his bike onto the driveway, he noticed that his mom’s Benz was parked in its usual spot. Having seen her leave to her office that morning, he figured she had called it a day earlier than normal._

_Yet when he walked into the house and heard the soft music coming from his mom’s study, he could tell that something was not right. He had known his mom his whole life and he knew how she ticked. He knew that she would bake endlessly when she was worried about something and that she would try new dinner recipes when she was feeling anxious and wanted a distraction. He also knew that listening to music in her study, when it wasn’t late evening and when his ma wasn’t home, meant that she was upset. He didn’t know why and it concerned him even more when he quietly peeked into the kitchen and saw the evidence of his mom’s worried baking in the form of two-dozen cookies and a mouthwatering chocolate cake._

_Walking back to the door of her study, Henry took a deep breath before knocking quietly and pushing the door open. They talked for an hour after that, and his mom had shared things with him that she normally would have only shared with Emma, except that it was all about Emma._

_Looking up at his ma, eyes red from exhaustion and her body barely able to hold itself up, Henry felt like saying nothing. But he knew that all his ma wanted to know what that his mom was okay, and surely he could at least try to answer that._

_“Honestly, I don’t know, Ma. She left work early today and was pretty upset when I came home but I think I only got part of the story,” Henry answered calmly, hoping that his ma wouldn’t push him to divulge any of what his mom had told him._

_“Did something happen, kid? I-” Emma took a breath with her eyes tightly shut, then reopened them and looked at her son, “Scratch that, I’m just going to go talk to her, no sense in putting you in the middle of whatever’s going on. Unless this is about you then your sorry butt is going to be stuck right in the middle.”_

_The small smile that made its way to her son’s face as she walked over and kissed the top of his head tugged at her heart as she remembered she wouldn’t get to see it daily once he was off at college._

_“Night, Ma. Let me know if you need anything,” Henry reminded her as she ruffled his hair._

_“Good night, kid. Make sure you don’t stay up too late studying,” Emma said with a smile as she left his room and pulled the door closed._

_Her smile vanished however when she was surrounded by the darkness of the hallway. She could see a faint light coming from underneath the door of her and Regina’s bedroom, which seemed like a good sign to her._ At least she hasn’t gone to bed upset, _Emma thought as she slowly reached the door. Turning the doorknob suddenly became her only mission, wanting to get to her upset fiancée as soon as possible to help make things better._

_Yet when she opened the door, she couldn’t get her feet to move. Standing next to the bed they had shared for four years was Regina. But she was not dressed in her silk pajamas, waiting for Emma to join her in their bed. She was still fully dressed, wearing the same outfit Emma had seen her in that morning before work. And she was standing with a duffle bag laid out on the bed, already almost full of clothes. Clothes, Emma noticed, which were her own and not the mayor’s. Her bloodshot hazel eyes shot up from the bag to meet the chocolate eyes that normally looked so full of love. Though instead of love, they were filled with pain._

_“Regina? What’s going on?” Emma stepped into the room, closing the door behind her to keep their conversation out of Henry’s ears._

_“Emma, we need to talk,” Regina met her eyes with determination and the intensity of them was enough to hit Emma right in the chest. Her _fiancée_ moved to close the duffle bag she had been filling, which was when Emma noticed it. Regina was no longer wearing the engagement ring that Emma had excitedly placed there less than a week ago. Sadness washed over her at the sight and she released a slow, shaky breath._

_“Gina, why aren’t you wearing the ring? Did I do something wrong?” Emma’s eyes began to fill and she was not sure if she would be able to refrain from crying much longer._

_“Emma, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I believe that we need to take a break. I have packed up some of your things and I think it would be best if you stayed with your parents for a little while.”_

_Emma stared at her fiancée (or ex-fiancée, she supposed?), unable to say a word. When all that Regina had said finally hit her, she was full of both sadness and rage. Rage, as it turned out, won._

_“What the hell, Regina? Why do we need a break? We are in love with each other and I just freaking proposed to you! You said yes!” Tears started running down her face and she was utterly incapable of stopping them. Regina’s eyes landed upon her own and the pain behind them was extremely evident to Emma. She could not fathom why Regina wanted a break and she’d be damned if she were going to let it happen without a fight._

_“Emma, I do not wish to fight with you. I just really believe we need some time to reevaluate things and make sure this is what we both want,” Regina’s expression remained stoic, her days as a monarch aiding in her ability to remain expressionless in front of others. But Emma was not just a citizen of Storybrooke and Regina was not just her mayor. She was the woman she was in love with and she could see the mixture of pain, sadness, and anger behind her love’s eyes._

_“Regina, I need a little more than that. I want to know why you think a break would be so helpful when it seems like the worst idea in the world to me? I know this is what I want,” Emma had calmed herself down enough for the tears to stop and for her words to remain even._

_“I…I don’t believe this is what I want,” Regina stated confidently, though her voice deceived her by wavering just the slightest. She averted her eyes, knowing that just one look from Emma would have her changing her mind. But for her heart’s sake, she couldn’t._

_“What don’t you want? The marriage? Gina we talked about this, I told you we didn’t have to get married ever if you don’t want to. I know what you’ve been through and-”_

_Regina’s eyes shot up as she cut off the other woman, “You do NOT know what I have been through! You do not know what it was like to lose Daniel nor what it was like to be forced into a marriage to a man decades older than you!” Regina was fuming and all Emma could do was stare. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before speaking again._

_“You’re right, I don’t know what it feels like to experience those exact things. But I do know what it feels like to have love ripped from you and what it feels like to be forced into an unsafe and scary situation. I’m not trying to force you to marry me. I’m not trying to be_ him. _If anything I’m trying to help you get passed what he did.”_

_“Exactly, you’re trying to fix me, Emma. And I will not stand to be treated as such. My heart cannot handle this pity-proposal that you have so graciously extended to absolve your grandfather for his actions!” The fire in Regina’s eyes rose, as did the pain and sadness Emma could see behind them. But her words hurt Emma. How could she think those things about her?_

_“Regina how could you ever, even for a second, believe that I would do something like that?! Do you think I give a shit about my grandfather? If he had been alive I would have killed him the second I learned the truth,” Emma was suddenly fuming, unable to hold back the anger and hurt she felt from Regina’s accusations. “Regina I asked you to marry me because I am in love with you, not because I’m trying to absolve anyone. And I am not trying to fix you, but I know that you make me feel whole, and I thought I made you feel the same._ That _is why I proposed to you.”_

_“It doesn’t matter,” Regina said as she took a seat on the bed they shared. “This won’t work out. Something will happen, something will make you leave, and my heart will be in tatters.”_

_Emma stared at her, dumbfounded at the revelation. “You-You think I’m going to leave you one day.”_

_It wasn’t a question, but a statement. One that made Emma ache. She walked closer to the older woman, but kept a few feet between them. She knew what it was like to be afraid of people leaving, hell, she had experienced that pain for the majority of her life. And she never wanted to be the person that caused that type of fear and pain to root itself in another person._

_“Emma, like I said, I don’t want to argue about this. I just want you to leave. I need to be alone and I need to think,” The look of despair that had settled on Regina's face had been replaced with the stoic exterior that reminded Emma of the woman’s days as a ruler._

_“Regina I am not leaving you here and I will never leave you. I want to be with you forever,” Emma firmly said, hoping that just for a moment Regina would stop all of this and throw herself in her blonde lover’s arms. But that was not going to happen._

_“It won’t work Emma. You will leave, they all leave. And you will be just like them.”_

_Emma’s blood began to boil, the anger and hurt bubbling to the surface, but in the last second replaced by pain and a burning desire to get on her knees and plead to the love of her life not to give up on them._

_“What do you want me to say? Should I kneel down in front of you and swear fealty to you? What more do I have to do to make you understand that you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?” Tears once again began to stain the blonde’s face as they streamed down her flushed cheeks._

_“Emma, there is nothing you can do, I-”_

_“Gina,” Emma pleaded, ignoring the obvious crack in her voice, “Please don’t give up on us.”_

_Emma walked over to the older woman and kneeled down in front of her, placing her shaking hands on stocking covered knees. She looked up through teary eyelashes and straight into the eyes of the woman she loved. She saw love there too, but she also saw anger and pain. She silently pleaded to every god she could think of to give her some sort of help, but it didn’t come. Instead, she felt the hands that usually comforted her slowly push her own away and to her side, just before Regina stood up. She carefully stepped next to Emma, but averted her eyes, attempting to hide tears that were threatening to escape._

_Emma wanted nothing more than to stand up and wrap her arms tightly around the other woman. But just as she decided that that was what she was going to do, Regina took another step, this time towards the bed, and picked up the duffle bag she had packed earlier. She held it out to Emma as she spoke, prompting the blonde to stand up from her spot on the floor._

_“Like I said, I think it would be best for you to stay with your parents for a while.”_

_All Emma could do was stand there, silently pleading. But she knew then that her cries would get her nowhere with Regina tonight. She reluctantly grabbed the bag, surprising both herself and Regina, and made her way to the door. With her hand on the doorknob, she turned around to see Regina wiping away the tears that filled her eyes._

_“I know you want space right now,” Emma stated, “And I will give that to you. But I will never give up on us Regina. Never. I love you too much to even consider it. Please don’t let your fear pull us apart.”_

_Without another look, Emma opened the door and began her exit from the house. She walked to her car, once her boots and jacket had been pulled back on, and tossed the duffle bag inside. She quickly sat in the driver’s seat, knowing that Regina expected her to leave the mansion at least for the night. She pulled out of the driveway, though only managed to drive a few hundred feet before pulling to the side of the road and killing the engine. She was exhausted, her long day at work and the argument she and Regina had just had weighing down on her more than she ever thought possible. She didn’t want to show up at her parents’ house at almost one o’clock in the morning. Only then did she realize that she and Regina had been in their room arguing for roughly two hours. She sat there for twenty minutes, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down until the tears finally let up._

_She let out a deep sigh, turning the car back on, and drove straight back to her home. The one she shared with the love of her life and their kid who was somehow not a kid anymore. She didn’t know whether or not Regina heard her return, but if she did, she made no move to invite the woman back inside. Emma saw that the lights inside the mansion had all been turned off and she could only hope that her love was at least getting some rest. No matter what they fought about or how angry she got, Emma would never stop putting her love’s health and safety first._

_She attempted to play a few games on her phone, only to realize that they were making her even sleepier. So she decided to get out of the car, which was why she ended up sitting on the steps of her house at one o’clock in the morning, with puffy eyes and an ache in her heart that only one woman could ever fix._

Emma lifted her head up and rested it on one of the large, white columns next to her. She would sit there as long as it took, even if her body was trying to force her to sleep. She was dozing off when she repeated to herself that she was going to fight for Regina. And then something hit her. _I left. I left her like she said I would. I proved her fucking point because I was too scared to push and stay up there! Damn it, Swan! You’re smarter than this_ , Emma’s brain was moving a mile a minute and she felt a wave of adrenaline rush over her body. She jumped up from her spot and quickly unlocked the front door.

She raced up the stairs, using magic to re-lock the door, and skidded to a stop in front of her bedroom. When she slowly pushed the door open, she noticed that Regina was in bed, faced away from the door. At first she thought the brunette had fallen asleep, but then she heard the almost silent sobs coming from the woman and the slight shake to her petite frame. When she stepped into the room and closed the door, the sounds stopped and she knew Regina had heard her enter.

She slipped off her boots and her jacket, then decided to pull off her tight jeans as well, leaving her in just her tank top and underwear. Emma slowly walked to her side of the bed and pulled back the covers. She sat down onto the bed, but did not yet lie down. She faced the brunette, whose back was still to her, and felt the ache in her heart persist.

 

“I left. I told you I wouldn’t leave and I did just that. I should have never taken that bag from you and I shouldn’t have walked out of this house. I should have fought harder, and I am so sorry I didn’t,” Emma gently pressed her hand on Regina’s arm, wanting to comfort her but not wanting to push the woman too far. “I love you, Regina, with everything that I am. I never want you to feel like I am going to abandon you. You and our amazing son are the best things that have ever happened to me and I would never give either of you up. I promise that I will never walk away from you like I did tonight. Part of me wants to blame it on the exhaustion from this week but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry that I ever thought leaving this house was what you wanted me to do.”

Emma held her breath, waiting for any response from the woman next to her. The seconds ticked on and she was sure that Regina was going to remain silent or kick her out or yell at her. But she was pleasantly surprised when the older woman rolled over to face her and forcefully wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist.

Emma let out the breath she had been holding in and tightened her arms around Regina. Before she knew it, tears were rushing down her face as the other woman’s head nestled against her stomach.

Regina sniffled and then quietly mumbled, “I’m so sorry, my love. I just got so scared. My feelings for you are stronger than any I have ever experienced in my entire life and just the thought of losing you was almost enough to break my heart.”

“I’m sorry that I ever made you doubt that I will always be here with you. I love you so much, Gina,” Emma said as she leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of Regina’s head.

She felt the brunette begin to move and pull her down onto the bed. Soon they were lying down with their limbs intertwined and their faces just inches apart. The moonlight lit up the room slightly and Emma was able to see the tear-stained face of the woman in front of her. The sadness must have been evident in the blonde’s hazel eyes because Regina suddenly pressed her lips against Emma’s own in a passionate kiss and tightened her grip on her lover. When she reluctantly pulled away, Regina could see the pure love in Emma’s eyes and knew without a doubt that she was going to spend the rest of her life with her.

“I love you, Emma. And-and if you’ll still have me, I would be honored to be your wife,” Regina’s hesitation pulled at Emma’s heart and all she wanted to do was hold the other woman for all of eternity.

“Gina, there is no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life loving. You are all I have ever dreamed about and more and you and our son make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And I would love to one day be your wife.” Emma pulled Regina into another kiss, this one much gentler but full of just as much love and passion.

When they separated, Regina found herself smiling as they held onto each other tightly. She knew the blonde was exhausted and that fact was evident a moment later when her breathing even out and her grip loosened just the slightest. Regina, herself just moments away from succumbing to the sleep her body longed for, took a moment to breathe and realize just how happy she was, nestled in the arms of the love of her life. She began to fall asleep to images of their future together – sending Henry off to college, planning and having their own wedding, expanding their little family and finally giving Henry the siblings he always wanted – and that night dreamt of the beautiful blonde who swept her off her feet and made her believe in love again.

 


End file.
